you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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