New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
