the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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