We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
