i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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