There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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