Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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