What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
