i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
