idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
