I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
