Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
