i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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