My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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