I just made out with a guy for $7.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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