Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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