my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
