Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it's like iHOP with fire
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
