Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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