My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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