i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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