This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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