Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
