If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
