Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
