Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
