Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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