i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
