Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
