So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
