I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
