I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
