And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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