If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
