just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
