She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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