Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
