In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
