Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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