I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
