so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
