Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
