Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
