me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
