Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
