the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
