yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
