The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
