I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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