The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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