Plan B is the new Plan A
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
