i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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